Feeding the fire within

Every spiritual tradition teaches stopping.  It’s a way to break habits, a way to let space into your otherwise overcrowded life, a way to restore balance.

So this is my break.

I am at a remarkable retreat called vaidyagrama, a healing village, in the south of India. Until January 10, I will be away from computers and emails and telephones.

During times of retreat we can reflect on what has happened and what is to come.  But mostly, we can consider the great gifts we have, right now. 2011 was an extraordinary year. 2012 holds many promises.

I wish you all a happy, healthy New Year. I hope it is off to a good start in the direction that will most bring balance and fulfillment into your life.

Are you all tied up?

As I write this I am in south India at an Ayurvedic retreat.  Ayurveda is the oldest system of healing arts known to man. It dates back thousands of years to the writing of the Vedas, or ancient texts.

One of the pillars of this remarkably comprehensive and far-reaching system is to establish and maintain balance of body, mind and spirit. Since this corresponds so directly with the work I do as a stress psychologist I want to take a moment, at year’s end, review this foundational aspect of good health.  Let’s start out with 

thinking of yourself as a team of three players.  They are called your body, your mind and your spirit. Your body is easy to recognize: it’s your blood and guts, flesh and bones.  Mind is a big word and harder to define. Let’s limit our understanding of “mind” right now to the part of you that comments on yourself (“I’m OK, I’m terrible, I can do this, I’ll never get anything right”). Spirit is the most elusive of the three, yet it is, on our “team of 3”, a player of equal importance. Let’s view spirit as the force that defines your goals and drives you to achieve them.

The model for balance

For an easy visual, consider your team of three like a 3-legged stool: one leg each for body, mind and spirit. When all three legs are equally strong the stool is a sturdy, dependable platform (elephants stand on it at the circus!). But when one of the legs is weak or shorter there is instability and inequilibrium. Not only does the platform give way, but a “shortness” in one leg will effect the other two.  If you are feverish (body), chances are you won’t be able to think straight (mind), and you won’t have much oomph to do anything (spirit).  To function as a winning team you need all three players to be in top form:  strong, robust and cooperating.

Of the three legs, the one we tend to undervalue and pay least attention to is our spirit.  There are two basic reasons for this: we can’t see it, and we negatively associate it with “religion.”  Both reasons are based on faulty premises. Briefly, what I mean is this: over several hundred years, western science has done a good job of convincing us that what we can’t see is not real; and a common belief is that religion is nothing more than a set of rules to which one becomes a mindless slave.

While this is neither the time nor place for a complicated discourse (“It’s New Year’s Eve, Dr. B!), I’d recommend we consider making a new year’s resolution to pay more attention to our spirit. That means taking time to reflect, to quiet down, to meditate and to consider where we are really going with our lives and where we want to go.  It’s easy to get all tied up, but that always leads to imbalance, discomfort and ultimately disease.  Without spirit we would be robots. So if you’re feeling robotic about your life it’s a sure sign that your spirit needs to be rejuvenated.

The word “spirit,” after all, comes from the Latin inspirare, which also means to breathe. When we breathe, the circle is complete: our body relaxes, our mind calms down, and our spirit can fulfill its direction, which ultimately is to be a healthy, balanced, giving member of society.

“I was in my office and an 11th grader came in all distraught worked up.  This is one tough kid– she’s had many troubles in her life, and has gotten into a lot of trouble too. She’s usually closed down and angry.  On the day she came into my office she was very upset — she’d had had a bad fight with a close friend who rejected her. She was angry and ready to strike out. I didn’t know what to do with her. She couldn’t sit still.  When I glimpsed The Workbook for Test Success …

on my desk. I said to the girl, “We’re just going to open this book to any page and start reading.” I had no idea where this was headed or how she’d respond, but it was so out-of-the-box that she went along with it.”

“I happened to open to the chapter on Confidence and I started reading. The girl was listening.  I read all about the negative things we tell ourselves, and how that makes us feel badly, and how we can get out of that terrible state by using three tools. She was listening to every word. When we got to the exercises she wanted to do them. I was amazed. We ended up talking for almost an hour.  The Workbook provided an extremely helpful way of getting the girl to look at herself, to think about her situation, and – most importantly—provide her with a positive, productive way of dealing with her self-esteem and the tests she faces in her life.”

The story makes a point:  the model of the three-legged stool is dynamic. That means that all the legs are important and no matter which one you work on—whether it’s your mind (as it was in this case), your body or your spirit, it’s going to have a positive and strengthening effect on the whole.

Try the “open-the-book-to-any-page” method and let me know what you find out about yourself.

The President and perseverance

President Obama delivered the commencement address at Kalamazoo Central High School on June 7.  His speech roused the graduates to consider the future they are holding in their hands.  Here’s what the President said:

Now, graduates, all these folks around you, I have to say, though, with the cameras and the beaming smiles — they’ve worked hard to give you everything you need to pursue your dreams and fulfill your God-given talent.  Unfortunately, you can’t take them with you when you leave here.  (Laughter.)  No one is going to go

follow you around making sure that you’re getting to class on time, making sure you’re doing your work.  Nobody is going to be doing that for you.  Going forward, that’s all on you — responsibility for your success is squarely on your shoulders.

What does “responsibility for your success” really mean?  To me it means having a goal and taking actions that get you to your goal. It means being focused. Most often, up through high school, we are carrying out what someone tells us to do. But as we leave high school the terrain shifts. We have to take charge of our own goals: to be able to define them and to work towards them. This can be challenging or downright difficult if we are used to doing something only “because we have to.”   The shift is to do something because you want to. It means having a dream– your dream– and working towards it.  It means being able to recognize when you are becoming distracted and how to get yourself back on track. Successful people are focused: they are clear on their goals, and they stay connected through consistent action until they reach their goal.  Success means “happy outcome,” and that is what happens when you reach your goal through your own hard work.

The President went on to say, “…meaningful achievement, lasting success — it doesn’t happen in an instant.  It’s not about luck, it’s not about a sudden stroke of genius.  It’s not usually about talent.  It’s usually about daily effort, the large choices and the small choices that you make that add up over time.  It’s about the skills you build, and the knowledge you accumulate, and the energy you invest in every task, no matter how trivial or menial it may seem at the time.”

Look at your goals and ask yourself:  “Are these my goals or someone else’s?”  If they’re not yours you will lose motivation sooner or later. Once you are clear that you own your goals then ask yourself, “Am I doing the things I need to so I can reach my goal, or am I doing things that take me away [distraction]?  Be honest with yourself.   We have the example of a President who reached his goal through determined, focused action.  He did it.  You can.

Los Angeles Public Library Main Branch

Albert Johnson, Senior Librarian for the Los Angeles Public Library, spearheaded the purchase of 498 copies of The Workbook for Test Success, for the LA Library system. 73 copies went to the different branches, and 425 were given away to middle school students at motivational events hosted by the library.  Mr. Johnson wrote a glowing letter of recommendation to other librarians

across the country and we quote it here in full….

To Whom It May Concern:

As the Senior Librarian for the Young Adult Department for the last fifteen years, I am always looking for good books that teens can relate to.  In self-help I want books that offer concrete tools and are written in a style that young adults will find engaging and inspiring.

Last fall I read Dr. Ben Bernstein’s book The Workbook for Test Success: How to Be Calm, Confident and Focused on Any Test. This is one of the most helpful books for students I’ve come across in a long time. In fact, I spearheaded the purchase of the book, through the Los Angeles Library Foundation, for all 73 branch libraries in the Los Angeles Public Library system as well as an additional 425 copies to be given to students at motivational seminar events we offer.

Dr. Bernstein’s book gives readers the experience of being guided by a top-notch coach thoroughly familiar with test anxiety and test performance. On each page Dr, Bernstein comes across as clear, helpful, empathetic and strong.  Your confidence grows as you read the book; you feel Dr. Bernstein wants you to succeed.

Every book on the test prep shelves is about test content (subject matter, answering strategies, etc.). This book is about test takers and speaks specifically to their needs. Bernstein shares examples, exercises, tools and tips in a methodical and thoughtful manner. There’s a chapter for teachers and another for parents. The book is beautifully designed with meaningful, witty illustrations.

I highly recommend you consider this book for your collection and to give to students in community related events.  Consult also the reviews coming out on Amazon. They are all glowing.   I’m not surprised. Readers are reporting the book to be useful not only for tests but for daily living.

Bernstein’s book deserves national attention. It is only a matter of time till that happens.

Albert Johnson

Director, Young Adult Services       Los Angeles Public Library

]]> http://testsuccesscoach.com/2010/04/test-prep-books-test-preparation-test-taking-anxiety-los-angeles-public-library/feed/ 0 http://testsuccesscoach.com/2010/02/test-prep-books-test-taking-anxiety-test-preparations-in-the-present/ http://testsuccesscoach.com/2010/02/test-prep-books-test-taking-anxiety-test-preparations-in-the-present/#comments Sun, 28 Feb 2010 08:16:05 +0000 Ben Bernstein http://workbookfortestsuccess.com/?p=1133 Today a college student came to see me for the first time. She is having a lot of trouble with tests. She studies hard, but a few days before the test a mounting self-doubt takes over and by the night before a test her head is whirling around, she’s tossing and turning in anxiety and she can’t sleep. She’s consumed with thoughts that she won’t pass, and that doing poorly will shoot her chances to get into a good graduate school.  As she spoke I noticed a few things…..

First, just listening to her language, I could tell that she was not grounding herself in the present. “I’m going to fail,” “I won’t get into a good graduate program.”  A lot of  “future forecasting,” no?  As we spoke I noticed some other things.  Though she was sitting in a chair and her feet were able to rest comfortably on the floor, they weren’t. She was on her toes. I was also struck with how often she was holding her breath.

As I pointed all of these things out to her she became more aware of what she was doing as a matter of habit. All this showed her that she was not being in the present but kept launching herself into a very uncertain future.

Stress is a function of disconnection. In body, mind and spirit.  She was disconnecting in all three: her body was tense (no breath, perched toes), she held her breath, she was obsessing about the future. She forecast a negative performance, and she was distracted by all of this– in other words it became harder and harder for her to stay in the present and just study.

As we spoke she became aware of how often she disconnected from the present, and she began to see that each time she disconnected — in all the ways mentioned or described above– she became anxious.

We believe that we are anxious because we’re thinking we’re going to fail.  Well, yes and no. A thought in and of itself is not anxiety provoking. It’s just a thought and thoughts come and go What happens though is we keep following the thought and lose touch with the present, the here and now. This is the time and place for her to study.  Instead she disconnects by imagining the future.

If this happen to you, do what I coached her to do: come back to the present.  Use your breath. Feel your feet on the floor. Look around and open your sense to what is there right here and right now.

Then you’ll be training yourself for the test: when the only place to be if you want to score well is in the present answering the questions

Let me know the ways you find yourself launching out of the present, and which tools you use to bring yourself back.  If you’re not sure which tools you can use, please ask! I’m happy to coach you.

Calm, confident, focused

On November 4, 2008, 66 million people elected Barack Obama the 44th president of the United States.
How did he, a young man with a brief resume, make this dream come true?

All the pundits weigh in: “He’s smart.” “He’s savvy.” “He put together a great team.” “He raised a phenomenal amount of money.” All true, but not the whole truth. Through my eyes as a performance coach I see something more fundamental.

Obama has all three traits that I discuss in this workbook. He is calm, confident and focused, and that makes people trust him and believe in him. He never loses his cool, he never seems dejected or bitter at a loss, and it certainly doesn’t make him lose steam and he is never off-message. Obama’s story is especially amazing when you take in the challenges he had to overcome—an African American with little money, virtually no experience on the international stage, and with the middle name Hussein.

Calm, confident and focused. To many this combination seems elusive and mystical, improbable to achieve. Not so. Barack Obama wanted the presidency and on the path to achieving his goal he had to pass many tests. He passed them all with these invaluable traits.

Not everyone wants to be president. But anyone can learn to be calm, confident and focused. We all have that potential.
You too can cultivate these qualities. You too can succeed at even the most difficult tests.

Let me show you how.

When you use The Workbook for Test Success you are investing in a tool kit. It will give you what you need — not only for the school tests you have to face — but for the tests we all face. The tests of daily life.

Share with us your stories of facing tests and being calm, confident and focused.

He never loses his cool, he never seems dejected or bitter at a loss, and it certainly doesn’t make him lose steam and he is never off-message.

He is a good role model for facing important tests: staying calm, keeping confident, and being focused is the key.

These are the skills that should be part of any leadership training. Leaders are constantly tested. They have to face moment-by-moment challenges, and we trust that they will do that. Have you ever considered that we are really trusting them to stay calm, confident and focused?  Imagine a leader who is tense, doubtful and distracted.  That doesn’t define “leader.”  Calm, confident and focused do.

If you are in a leadership position, or you are training others to be leaders, consider that for the vitality of the organization and the well-being of its members, you want to cultivate the three qualities in The Workbook. We want, and value, leaders who stand on a sturdy three-legged stool. Leaders who are calm, confident and focused.

What are the qualities you value in a leader?

Is fear derailing you?

The more I work as a test prep performance coach the more I see how fear not only derails test takers, but immobilizes them. It is the single biggest cause of poor test performance.

What are they afraid of?  (And if you’re a fearful test taker and are reading this: what are you afraid of?) Doing poorly?  Failing?  Not living up to standards?  All kinds of consequences like not getting into the college of you choice, not qualifying for a scholarship, making someone (a teacher, parents, our yourself) disappointed?

While there may certainly be consequences of a less-than-standard test performance, being afraid not only makes the entire experience of studying for the test and taking it very tense and disturbing, it actually does not help.

Although there may be a motivating factor in having some fear (“Man, I’ve got to start studying!”), being fearful has no positive effect.  Why? Because fear is a separating, disconnecting force. When you are in fear you are pulling away.  But on a test you have to be present. If you pull away you won’t be able to think rationally, and you won’t be able to answer questions correctly.

Fear also is all-encompassing. It takes over body, mind and spirit. The body because tense and hyped up, the mind is filled with negativity, and the spirit is distracted.  Not a pretty picture for a test taker.

What should you do if you find yourself fearful about an upcoming test, or if you become afraid during a test.

First, remember this : worry never produce anything except more worry.

Next: use the tools:  breathe, get yourself grounded; see your highest, best, brightest self, giving you a positive and accurate message. Tackle what you have to do with small manageable steps.  These are some of the tools in the book.  All of them work. You have to work them. You don’t have to use all of them. Play with them. Try them out. See which one suits you better. Don’t be afraid to experiment with different tools.

Fear separates you from your possibility. Don’t get swept up in it. You are not the fear. If it comes, acknowledge it and takes steps in a positive, nourishing direction.  You can do it.  And don’t let your fear tell you you can’t!