“It shouldn’t be so hard!”
April 16th, 2010
“It shouldn’t be so hard!”
How often I hear this from students, teachers and parents. And how often I think this myself!
From students it’s about homework, assignments, tests, keeping up with the schedule, all those after school and extra curricular activities. Pile it on! Parents and teachers have their own litanies.
I get the feeling pretty often that most of us are stressed out most of the time! Or, to be more exact…
all of us get stressed out some of the time.
True, each of us has an every growing to-do list of things that we need to do, or should have done. We need to meet deadlines and others’ expectations, not to mention all the goals we set for ourselves.
But along with all of this comes the line: “It shouldn’t be so hard.”
And that, I believe, is what really causes us to feel stressed out. Why? Because when we say that, or believe it, we are not taking life as it is, and instead are wishing, wanting, hoping it would or could be different. That’s what I call “disconnection.”
In the book I talk a lot about stress being a function of disconnection. Here’s what I mean: yes, that to-do list has all sorts of stressors embedded in it, but they are not causing the stress. After all, a test is just a piece of paper with the letters “t-e-s-t” on top.
The test is not making you feel stressed out. (It’s just a piece of paper!). What’s really making you stressed out is that you disconnect from what you need to do (answer the questions) with the thought “It shouldn’t be so hard.” That’s like being in a river and trying to jump out of it. The river is flowing (the test is going on), better you should swim with the current than fight it.
I wonder sometimes where we get the idea “It shouldn’t be so hard.” I’m sure this is a complex question and subject, but in an era where you can get information about anything in a matter of mere nano-seconds, where you don’t have to leave your couch to shop, where you can watch four television programs at once, everything seems to be so easy.
Well, truth is, life is a series of tests and challenges—specifically to help us to grow, to be stronger, to become who we are meant to be. And this means life, and all its tests, is hard sometimes.
Better to jump in, keep your eye on the ball, play the game, toil and sweat, and come out all the stronger, clearer, more determined to serve the world.
So when you think “It shouldn’t be so hard,” listen to the other inner voice and you’ll hear something quite different:
“You can handle it.”
And you can. moment-by moment.
Let me know when you feel things shouldn’t be so hard, and what you do about it.
